Learning to Cook with Robindy Tots at Seelie Court 2019

3D rendering of the miniature for Robindy Tots, halfling "chef" (bard)

This past weekend was the semi-annual Seelie Court event at Redcap’s Corner in West Philadelphia. It’s sister event, Unseelie Court, is held every October in the same venue. I love these local cons because they bring a lot of the area players together and out of their home stores to mingle. Events like this are also one of the few places I get to play! This is a rarity for me, since I am usually either organizing events like Seelie Court and covering for DMs that can’t make it at the last minute, or just regularly DMing a table.

I thought I would take a moment here to highlight some of the playing I was able to do at Seelie Court through the eyes of my non-binary halfling “chef” (really a bard) named Robindy Tots who started this gathering a level 1 line cook and ended it just hitting level 3.

“My first 92 years on this rock have been spent mostly enjoying food, and cooking it for other people. But just sometimes I think to myself, Robindy, is there more out there than these lemon cakes and roasted turkey legs? I was having just such a thought a few 10 days back when a group of adventurers came into the Knackered Kenku where I was working the line. I had seen their likes before. Armor all shiny and new. Maybe they would be back, and maybe they wouldn’t. Seen it a 1,000 times before.

But as I overheard them talking, something about a bunch of slimes running amok in the city, I thought to myself, “I haven’t had a good pudding in a while…,” and it just clicked! Maybe I could go out there with these adventurers, find out a bit more about what’s out there, improve my butchering skills, and find some exotic meats. Maybe there is a reason people only eat lemon cakes and turkey legs, but maybe there is more out there and maybe it’s delicious! If things go well, I could even become executive chef at my own exotic meats restaurant!

With these thoughts and some new excitement I donned my chef’s hat, grabbed my knife block, chef’s knife, frying pan, and fanny pack of spices, and joined up with this adventuring group. I’ve been on 4 adventures with them so far, and below is some of what I have learned culinarily since venturing out:

Gelatinous Mouther Aspic

We fought some weird slime things in the streets but they were pretty gross when done. Once we got into the sewer though my brain really started to fire. We fought this giant cube thing made of jello. It was really acidic but luckily I had a glass jar to save some of it in. We also ran into weird blob with a bunch of mouths I am told is called a Gibbering Mouther? Whatever it was it was pretty tough, so I mixed some it’s hocks together into a nice aspic dish with the jello cube thing and it turned out pretty good. The acid from the cube really softened up the hocks, and it also dulled the burn from the aspic.

Ingredients

4large, fresh Gibbering Mouther hocks
Accent salt (msg)
3lg. cloves of garlic
onion powder
4cp. Gelatinous Cube
fresh ground black pepper
filtered tap water

Instructions

Wash hocks under and pat dry; be sure to remove any hairs left behind by your butchery. Sprinkle accent salt all over each hock and let sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes. Fill two medium sized pots with water and Gelatinous Cube (about half full), place 2 hocks in each pot and add more water if necessary to just cover the meat (about 1/2 inch above). Add garlic (chop finely), onion powder, salt and fresh cracked pepper. Bring to a boil and then let simmer for about 2 1/2 hours. Take the meat out of the water, set aside and let cool. Once cooled, cut the meat and skin into small chunky pieces and place in a good sized soup bowl (meat should cover entire bottom of bowl. Ladle the broth over the meat, right to the top of the bowl.

Buttered Grung Legs

These little frog guys were really annoying. I wasn’t sure I wanted to eat them at first, seeming to be sentient and all, but after a few of them nearly skewered me and some Grung nearby were hit by a fireball alerting my nose to their flavor potential all doubts were quelled.

Ingredients

4large, Grung legs
1lb salted butter
1cp. wine (or ale, or whatever)
2tblsp. chopped sage
salt and spicy pepper to taste

Instructions

Melt ¼ pound of butter in a large heavy skillet. Lightly salt half of the Grung’s legs and sprinkle with spicy pepper. Sauté the Grung’s legs over moderately high heat until golden. Sprinkle with half of the sage. 

Repeat the process with the remaining Grung’s legs and keep warm.

To deglaze the pan, add the wine and cook over high heat, scraping up the brown bits that cling to the bottom of the pan until the liquid is reduced by half. Strain the sauce over the Grung’s legs and serve.

Boiled Cave Fisher

This was a weird and terrifying creature, attacking us from the ceiling while we were in the damp underground and in the dark. In an attempt to inspire my allies I through some herbed butter at it that I was keeping warm in my pocket. This gave me an idea, and I knew what to do when we had slain the thing.

Ingredients

1Cave Fisher
Herbed Butter

Instructions

Nothing fancy here. Just crack the Cave Fisher up into manageable bits and boil in your pot for about 10 minutes. Once the meat has firmed up, serve with herbed butter and your favorite heavy object to help crack open the carapace.